Washington – According to insiders, the small-minded abuse of honest TSA workers who are just doing their jobs is starting to pay off as Americans angered by new TSA techniques turn more and more to verbal and psychological abuse.  A report released Friday

Love it or leave it

found that homophobic slurs directed at agents administering pat-downs can increase freedom by as much as 46%, while class-based insults were found to decrease the Terrorists Winning Coefficient (TWC) by as much as 15 points.  Other methods such as jingoist rants and rank-pulling (“I was in the Air Force for 30 years.  My security clearance is higher than yours!”)  have had similar effects, though researchers reportedly will not release those numbers until next week when the Senate Subcommittee on Spoiled American Assholes (SSSAA) report is due.

Not that some complaints aren't reasonable.

Analysts  agree that angry, white, working-class men who think they’re  middle class, but who also think they’re an oppressed minority and that the nation owes them everything but who are finally learning what life is like for pretty much everyone else are mad as hell and they’re not going to take it anymore without whining like spoiled little babies until their privilege is restored to pre-Obama levels.  Oh, and Obama is totally taxing them to death and stealing all their liberties though taxes under Obama are actually lower than under Bush and he has done nothing to take their freedom away other than attempt to help the millions of Americans who suffer from lack of health care.

The SSSAA report requested by President Obama is likely to be released Wednesday and will offer heretofore unknown insights into the benefits of self-righteous griping, as well as the boycotting of airlines – a strategy encouraged by some pundits who don’t seem to realize that the TSA isn’t airlines’ idea.

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